Odin's Dad (qweeeejk) wrote,
Odin's Dad

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And now for something completely different.

A couple months ago, Dave Barry posted this link in his blog. As a public service, I decided to reproduce the best parts of the page, translated from Russian thanks to my years of experience with the language Google Translate providing me with a first guess. Thank you, yasviridov, for more laughs than one week should ever be allowed to contain! Some of the captions translate better than others, but I've included them all just because the artwork is, well, precious.

(Warning: The parts of the post that are NSFW due to partial nudity are hidden behind lj-cuts. Click at your peril.)

In one hand, his guitar. In the other, good luck. Ah, romance...

Give me more, Jorge! Show me passion, show me overwhelming emotion! I'm not taking passport photos here! There we go, much better!

On second thought, we'd better not send them and Bilan.
(Note to make this one make sense: Bilan is a Russian pop star who has represented them twice in the Eurovision Song Contest.)

"My God, what is this?"
"It's a record, Mom! We told you like a minute ago."
"Oh, right! ...My God, what is this?"
"Mom, it's a record, a re-cord!"

It must be acknowledged that not everybody appreciates the sound of a saxophone.

This picture of Wayne Newton was clearly not his "best of".

I could admire this cover for hours.

Maybe Uncle Bobo did have to strangle the three nurses, but he didn't have to do it on his niece's birthday and spoil it.

There was a time when guitars could sell literally anybody.

What is the secret of our family's happiness? Oral sex!

Heaven came down right on my hairdo.

Is it just me, or does this guy look like Fomenko?

The first time, William Tell used his daughter.

She hasn't made up her mind whom her heart belongs to—the man in the moustache, or the plush reindeer.

Orgies in the Fifties were considerably duller than nowadays.

In the Seventies, too.

Despite the men's best efforts, they still got drafted.

After a cup of acorn liqueur, Havtan got very playful.

I envy all of you 21st-century-dwellers!

"Why don't you have your fins? Aren't you coming to the dance?"

The right hand of the woman to the left is particularly frightening for some reason.

The new gym teacher was just like the two old ones.

The Russian porno perestroika had its forerunners.

They brought it home, and it turned into—Oh my!

The Bosnian guerrillas really got around. [Ed. note: Even I don't get this one.]

Returning from the field, Theodore found a lamb with a broken wing [sic] and brought it with him...

This album won a silver medal at the World's Fair of Merchandise for the Colorblind, Zurich, 1961.


Igor Stravinsky's ballet "Firebird". The bird got old.

In the words of the poet Druk:
Dear Mother,
In this life
I am doing fine
I have four hooves
And an enormous head.

They were so poor that they had to paint Satan on a canvas.

I think I can safely say that most people know what this means. Although myself, for example, I have no clue what's going on here.

The tiger suit was stuffy, but it sure worked with the ladies.

"What do you mean, you're fresh out of Beatles?"

"We've got tons of 'em! Here's Yellow Submarine!"
"I think I'd better take the other one."

Take our easy course, and in 12 lessons you can be as cool as this guy with a guitar!

"I must draw attention to your son's behaviour. He threw a breadstick in the dining hall. And killed the headmaster with it."

He was beginning to feel that his life was going somewhere, and then he saw this...

...and this...

...and this...

...and this...

Two steps later, the unsuspecting zombie stumbled into the piano and hurt his knee.

"Hey boy! The urinal's a little more to the right!"

"Mommy! MOMMY!"
"Shh, calm down, calm down sweetie. It was just a nightmare. You were only dreaming that Uncle Bobo escaped from the psych ward."

"Excuse me, have you seen my contact lens?"

"So here's the offer: In addition to this fabulous 'Kirby' record player, you get a set of stainless steel teeth, and me, completely free! So, do we have a deal?"

People of Earth, we mean you no harm. Take us to your leader, or to your barber.

Dear Sir: We are sorry, but your sample photos were not accepted. Yes, our film "Brokeback Mountain" is about gay cowboys, but!

The Patriarchate of Moscow and the Sailors' Marine Union issued a joint press release criticising the new film "The Last Temptation of The Sailor."

Psst! Psst! Don't turn around, Masha. Keep smiling at the camera. But if you can also see these strange creatures, let me know by poking me with your elbow.

Not many people know that Tsereteli's first sculpture, "Boy With Weathervane", was made of plasticine.

Hey look, he really didn't expect a rattlesnake when he opened the pizza box!

Idiots! Where are you staring? The camera's on the other side! That's a theodolite!

I'm dedicating my next song to a dear friend who is in the audience tonight. My dentist.

I know, okay? Just pretend you're chopping, and afterwards we'll Photoshop in a tree and a beaver biting your foot.

"So I said, 'let's buy some vodka!' And you were like, 'if we're going to have some fun, let's get costumes and confetti!' And now look at us!"

Carlson, who lives with a hooker, pulls another prank.

I had used my first two wishes. What else would I ask for so that I didn't feel sorry? Maybe a dombura player?

All right, my dear, I'll do it. But promise me you won't look, I'm shy.

Outrageous! A naked girl on a Tchaikovsky cover?!

"I would advise against ordering the soup. I dropped a bar of foot soap into the tureen."

In the morning, she couldn't believe that she'd swapped all her clothes and furniture for the old phonograph.

With any other background, fine, it would fade away, but all the same... [Ed. I don't get it either.]

Part 2 tomorrow!
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